The other day, yesterday to be exact, I saw a spider in it’s web. My little girl was yelling "Get it! Get it!" Now we usually just put them outside. But I didn’t have the heart to take down it’s cozy little home. It had settled in already. Spent time "unpacking" so it seemed. I didn’t have the urge to squwish or mangle it. I just thought it tried so hard to do one simple thing.
I am pretty sure the metephor for me is clear. I am doing the samething on a daily basis. Just trying to survive. When you face the demons that are hiding (sometimes literallly) in your closet you tend to be a wee bit more sensitive. That is what has been going on lately. I am trying to get a handle on the small stuff first.
So what is going on?? So glad you asked….
The Band is finding out where he is going to transfer to finish up his Bacholor’s degree.(Wednesday)
I am starting a full load of online classes. One with the title "Coping with difficult people".(Tuesday)
I just ordered a new laptop.(Should arrive Tuesday/Wednesday)
I would like to start selling things on Ebay. Just don’t have all the guts it takes to start, yet.
We need a newer bigger vehicle. (I am finding myself looking in the rearview mirror at the three carseats side by side in our compact car. Simutaniously, praying over and over "please leave his eyes kids, please leave him his eyes")
The plate maybe full just with those, but no….one of the quirks (demons), I tend to fight, is putting too much on the flippin’ plate in the first place. So I can migrate to my comfort spot- crisis management mode-. I accomplish more, feel the rush, and live my dreams when I am stress to the max mode. Only the dreams I dream are slow developing, endurance requiring, one-baby step-at-a-time dreams.
My new found love is a show called "Rob and Big" on MTV. I am not supporting the wide variety of horrific programing that channel has to offer, but that paticular show has had me in stitches lately.
Last night I watched On-Demand the episode about the trip to the video game makers. Rob visited his family. They were fishing. He said something to the effect that his entire life is based upon the principle of instant gratification and that fishing sucked for him. I giggled, out loud only because I related so well to that comment. My dreams are fishing dreams and my functioning brain works in "got to have it now".
This is why I dearly love being a parent of 3 three and under. I know if I had it to do all over again I would still choose this path over and over. They are constantly going. Constantly doing, creating, and growing. That is the thrill of the game of "stay at home adventurer" or the instant gratification part. Letting go, for me, of the stigmas of "normal", "perfect", and "ideal" this is the difficult part. The part I am finding takes time, requires effort,and is not fast to change.
I love a challenge. Like school, it has provided a challenge for me for over a decade now:) So modifying the approach to the dreams is going to have take place. To dream big, I need to plan big. One chunk at a time. Not to big. Not, too small. Just right…. ahhh.
So Rob thanks for the insight, and Little spider in my house… WEB ON!