Dating, Marriage and Good Friends
July 28, 2006 – 8:50 amI have been out of the dating scene for sometime now. I don’t know if any of the rules I played by even account for anything anymore. But….
Ok I am gonna get straight to the point. I have a good friend who is dating someone and they are now getting a wee bit serious. He likes her and she likes him. Only she doesn’t find him attractive. She enjoys his personality, his status, his company. She doesn’t think he is very good looking.
So my question is where does attraction lie on the scale of attributes to have in a spouse or significant other. For the boys I know this is a 1-3 attribute. For women it is different. But how different??
For me it played a big part in who I dated and who I was just friends with, but I have to admit as I was younger the looks meant a lot to me. I dated guys who I thought were cute. I was treated the best by the ones that may not have made it onto the GQ frount cover, but when I met my husband I was really attracted to his physical features. That attraction was only added upon when I found out what a terrific guy he is.
Now my friend hasn’t dated a whole lot. She is still very young. She has seen a lot of hurt people who marry for looks and status alone. She has seen many broken hearts that need true help to heal after the wounds they suffer. So, maybe in her mind it is a noble thing to date and marry for the inside material. In my world I call it settling with a good excuse. One that justifies the possible reality, that it is nice when someone likes you, and at that exact point in time no one else is really giving you the time of day.
That is my harsh, however truthful judgement of the situation. It is flawed because I care about my friend and yes I think she deserves the best. I am trying to keep an open mind that he could be her "best" for her. And, I would be ok if she were to say they were engaged. But does attraction play a role anymore for the gals out there? Should it be considered an important attribute? Ultimately it is her decision. "I do", or "I do not" will be comming out of her mouth not mine again. I just hope I can stomach it when it does or doesn’t happen.
TheScrapbookingCricut.com
26 Responses to “Dating, Marriage and Good Friends”
I think when it comes to marriage, it’s the language your heart speaks, rather than what your eyes see. IF it gets to the point where she would consider marrying, hopefully she’s grown to be attracted to him. I dated a guy in high school that wasn’t very good looking, but he grew on me and I fell head over for him. We did break up in the end however. But if you’re going to marry someone and have “relations” with them, you hope you’re physically attracted to them!
By Queen Beth on Jul 28, 2006
I think CHEMISTRY is important, not just physical attraction. There are so many things that can be attractive in the physical sense that are not necessarily physical. Does that amke any sense whatsoever?
Like, how his mind works or the way he looks at her… I mean, does the thought of ebing physical with him repulse her, or does she simply realize that he’s not a “looker” according to the general defintion?
By Lei on Jul 28, 2006
sorry for the typos - i am working at warp speed to catch up on my blogging today, lol
By Lei on Jul 28, 2006
I second what Lei says. One of my strongest relationships was with a man that I wasn’t attracted to. It was only after I was engaged that he said something. I wish he would have said something sooner. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and wouldn’t trade a moment of it (I had a tendency to go for the hotties too), but it is one of those things where I sit and ponder “what if”. He was my best friend and I lost that because he was to shy to say something. I wasn’t *attracted* to him at the time, but I know we had some real *chemistry*.
I see a lot of beautiful women out there with some so-so men. There are some that may wonder what they are doing with that guy, but I’d bet money that those men are the cream of the crop.
By Stephanie on Jul 28, 2006
Queen Beth- Loved the “language of the heart” idea totally true.
Lei- I think she just doesn’t find him attractive like in general sense. But she likes him.
your are so right about the chemistry thing.
Stephanie- Ok just have to clarify. Was the guy you were engaged talking about your lack of attraction to him? Was it your or his descion to break the engagement? I am just a tad confused. I am totally with you on the “chemistry” thing.
By shutupnoway on Jul 28, 2006
I think there has got to be some level of physical attraction, otherwise, what’s to separate it from a “just friends” relationship.
That said, I think a person can become more physically attractive to you as you get to know them better… So there may be hope for your friend.
By Stephanie on Jul 28, 2006
I don’t know that attraction is merely based on physical looks. I think there must be attraction in a marriage relationship to make it work. I do not believe that means that either person has to be magazine cover worthy, just that both must see in the other things that are attractive to them.
By Jessica on Jul 28, 2006
I am sorry to confuse you, sometimes when I am trying to get something out, I will talk in circles.
I was engaged to my husband, and after we were engaged, it was then that my best guy friend told me that he had feelings for me. Unfortunately it was too little to late. I still wonder where that relationship would have gone if he had said something sooner. I hope that clarifies it.
By Stephanie on Jul 28, 2006
Personally I think that attraction is a MUST. Like all of y’all, I think that is more about chemistry than any just “does he have a hot bod?” I’m gonna get a little blunt here, but marriage has one very important thing that is found no where else (when it is done right), and enjoys and NEEDS that certain level of intimacy to hold it together and ease the rough spots. I’m talking about S.E.X. When you have fought, what can bring back that lovin’ feeling, how do you express that commitment…? How do you reaffirm that magic and love? SEX!
To be honest, even if it doesn’t “matter that much” to her? You can pretty much bet the bank that it matters to HIM! He’s gonna want to “lay down a boogie, and play that funky music” unless he has a medical condition, and if she is less than enthusiastic? pretty much he’s getting ripped off (unless she gives full disclosure before nuptuals and he’s OK).
Don’t know if I’m making any sense… but ummm, yeah….sex! Yeah, you gotta have some magic, or at least room for magic to happen.
By bon on Jul 28, 2006
Oh bon, I totally agree. S.E.X. is what gets us through when everything else is rotten.
I think the other Stephanie got it right when she said “I think a person can become more physically attractive to you as you get to know them better”. But if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. That chemistry is a must. I think a couple should definately *click*.
By Stephanie on Jul 28, 2006
Stephanie #1- Totally clear, & that is such an interesting story.
Jessica- totally think you hit the nail on the head. “just that both must see in the other things that are attractive to them.” She obviously sees something in him.
Bon- you kill me Lady!! But you have a great point. It is like an epideral for labor. It takes the edge off. Sex is the same concept. Thanks.
Stephanie #2- ok Stephanie. Do you believe the chemistry can develope? The attraction for someone definately can grow as you get to know that person. But the “chemistry” can that change with time as well??
By shutupnoway on Jul 28, 2006
Well, I think looks play a part in things when there is the first initial attraction. Of course, what is considered “good looking” is different for everyone. Attraction is obviously an important thing when considering getting serious or getting married, because obviously if you aren’t attracted to the person, you’re going to have serious issues when you get married. All that said, I think physical attraction is an important thing for a relationship. Sometimes that comes later, so maybe she should just give it some time.
By Kristen on Jul 29, 2006
I have to agree with both Lei and Stephanie. It is about chemistry, and not completely about personal attraction. I am a believer that attraction can grow as you get to know someone, but once you know them really well and you still don’t feel it, that might be a problem. Chemistry sooner or later has to equal attraction, and that attraction whether it’s based on looks or not is essential in marriage.
By onemodernmama on Jul 29, 2006
chemistry - yes yes!
I was attracted to my husband the first time i sat down and talked to him, even though some of my friends didn’t think he was “attractive” according to their standards… i wonder if your friend is more worried that other people don’t/won’t think he is attractive? maybe that is what is holding her back - that kind of thing held me back when i was younger…
I have to say that I have grown more physically attracted to my husband as time goes by, but it was always the chemistry and best-friendship that kept me coming back for more.
i have never been one to throw myself in the pool of hottie-seekers, i have known too many people who put all their stock in their looks and not enough in their character, so my idea of attractive has always been the whole picture.
i hope your friend doesn’t settle, being attracted to your husband is a wonderful thing!!
By kass on Aug 1, 2006
wee date ideas
By hsfhstrhju on May 24, 2007
great post !it is very good!
By Troy Polamalu Jersey on Aug 11, 2011
is having a give away of the best kind!!! go check it out!!
By replica oakley on Aug 12, 2011
being attracted to your husband is a wonderful thing!!
By fake oakley on Aug 12, 2011
Wholesale mac cosmetics, mac comestics,mac makeups ,top quality,fast delivery.
www.shopmaccosmetics.com
By Mac cosmetics on Aug 18, 2011
555zxp7
Beautiful, Nike Shox
By ShoxNike on Aug 29, 2011
555zxp8
Love Air Jordan Shoes
By airjordanscheapest on Aug 29, 2011
your songs that weren’t on my list already!
By Air Max 2011 on Sep 8, 2011
I’ve been surfing on-line greater than three hours nowadays, but I by no means found any interesting article like yours. It?|s lovely worth sufficient for me. In my view, if all web owners and bloggers made excellent content as you did, the net will probably be much more helpful than ever before.
By Onitsuka Tiger on Sep 16, 2011
Polo ralph lauren au début du printemps de 2012 s’avère être devenu obsédé par l’artisanat traditionnel put créer des détails exquis, tissage du modèle ligne brisée, imprimé géométrique irrégulière, perles de couleur… the design britannique classique avec des éléments de coutumes tribales africaines mélangé avec Polo ralph lauren, polo ralph lauren the été préconisée par l’ensemble des jeunes durante ligne, après the printemps et l’été suivants de 2011 engines de design, des couleurs chaudes de l’automne et l’hiver de 2011 de design mélange uniforme, chez l’ensemble des femmes au début du printemps populaire polo ralph lauren ont 2012 une autre présentation fraîche.
Inscrit l’ensemble des insignes durante cuir de couleur claire d’assiette et de perles décorées put the trench-coat classique, et gris et blanc design tricoté, durante cuir creuse durante bois sculpté et de nouveaux matériaux autres, Polo ralph lauren, l’innovation, une fois de in addition promote eux-mêmes. Chandail et united nations pantalon coniques, jupe taille haute avec modifiés corps courbe Robes mi-longues, Polo Rob femmes lauren2012 au début du printemps ont in addition in addition pratique à porter united nations seul produit, avec united nations jaune vif, bleu ciel, de los angeles malachite l’ensemble des couleurs vives de vert et de l’impression couleur coup, los angeles vigueur in addition jeune et united nations peu exotique, attrayante put the port.
By Polo Ralph Lauren on Apr 20, 2012
To improve their ability, to benefit oneself and him. Have the ability to do practical things won’t talk any benefits after all. The end of the story always return fully loaded, is a nurse nomination.
By Women's Nike Dunks High on May 16, 2012
China has about 500 million consumers under the age of 25 each to buy a pair of Nike shoes, Nike can sell 1 billion of shoes, such a huge market makes it difficult to refuse, which may explain the lower figure of Nike to make The cause of the change.
By Nike Free Run 2 on Sep 26, 2012